


it perseveres

by withoutwords



Series: Ballum Tumblr Fics [11]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27888649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: "You wanna be a cop and I wanna keep my dad out of jail - it’s a joke.”
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ballum Tumblr Fics [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040865
Kudos: 33





	it perseveres

**Author's Note:**

> The aftermath of Phil attacking Jack, and what could have been.

“Say it,” Ben whispers into Callum’s ear, curled around him in bed. “I know you got something to say. I can see it. Here,” he points to the line in Callum’s forehead. “Here,” he points to the curl of his mouth. “Here,” he points to the bob of his throat. “So go on. Say it.

“I was waiting for you to say it.”

“Tell me what it is and I will.”

“Jack Branning’s face,” Callum tells the ceiling, and it cuts into silence. Callum can barely hear Ben breathing. 

“I mean, it’s alright?” he says, starting to pull away. “I don’t really rate it to be honest.”

“Ben. What happened to his face?”

“My dad did,” Ben snaps, sitting up and taking the sheets with him, pooling around his waist. Callum’s not sure how to feel about any of it. Scared and angry and worried and sad. And disbelieving, that this is them right now in this intimate moment - lovers with sheets and walls between them. It doesn’t feel real. “Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“So why were you dragging him into his house? Why’s there blood on your shirt?”

“Because, like usual, I was cleaning up his mess.”

When Ben tries to get out of the bed Callum sits up too, pulling him back in. “No,” he tells him firmly, “Don’t - please don’t do that. Don’t walk away.”

“What else do I do, Callum? You wanna be a cop and I wanna keep my dad out of jail - it’s a joke.”

“It ain’t, no,” Callum gets him back down onto the bed, onto the pillows, straddling his hips. Ben’s doing that thing he does, shaking his head, looking away - like he knows so much more than Callum does. Like Callum’s some naive little boy. “You think my life is simple cause my dad’s just a plain drunk, and not an organised criminal? You think being in the army, and losing people every day, and having no family to come home to - you think that means I don’t know what this is, huh? What you are?”

“It’s not about that, Callum,” Ben tries to argue, but Callum won’t let him.

“I’m kind and good and nice, yeah, and you like that about me, and you chose that, so don’t - don’t make out like it’s the reason we can’t be. This ain’t my fault, don’t you dare act like this is my fault.”

“That’s not - ”

“I’m in love with you. I love you like I’ve never loved any one, and that don’t mean the minute you make a choice I don’t like I’m gonna run away, or turn on you. I’m right here. I’m always here. And you can’t do anything to change that. You can’t push me away.”

Callum doesn’t miss the tears Ben’s trying to force back. The way his hands clench in Callum’s forearms like he doesn’t know whether to pull him in or make him go away. “I can’t. We can’t.”

“Course we can. We’re doing it right now. But you gotta tell me these things. You gotta be honest with me. I wanna know why you’re hurting, and why you have a bad day, and, and, everything …”

“Shit, Jesus,” Ben says hoarsely, sitting up to wrap his arms around Callum, bury his face in his neck. They’re warm wrapped around each other, Callum can feel the chaotic beat of Ben’s heart against his chest.

“Please, Ben. This is good. This is so good. I want to keep it. Let me keep it.”

“Callum,” Ben says, like he’s hushing him, wrapping his arms around him tighter. “Callum.”

Ben thinks he needs to protect Callum from the truth of his family. From being tainted, and hurt, and ruined.

Callum knows he needs to protect Ben from himself.

From believing he’s anything like that.


End file.
